


Look at Me

by Musicania



Series: Jackbum Title Fics [10]
Category: GOT7
Genre: Idol AU, JB's injury, M/M, Song fic, fly era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-12-15 19:35:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21023303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Musicania/pseuds/Musicania
Summary: Just days before Got7 is set to kick off their first world tour Got7 gets the worst news an idol group could receive: Jaebeom, their leader, is injured and isn't able to perform for an indefinite amount of time. Heartbroken for their leader, Jackson is determined to do whatever he can to make sure Jaebeom heals as quickly as possible.





	Look at Me

**Author's Note:**

> New Readers: If you want you can find out more about this series and get caught up on previous works [here](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1411069l)
> 
> This fic is based on 'Look' which was released in March 2018 off of their album Eyes on You. 
> 
> If you feel like you're having deja vu after reading the description, you're not. It struck me when I was reading the lyrics to both You are and Look that they kind of seemed like the same song just sung from opposite sides of a relationship. You Are is all about going through a hardship but when you're with that one person everything becomes okay and Look is about witnessing someone you care about going through a hardship and being the one you want them to focus on, the one that wants to help them through it. I dunno, maybe it's just me that got that feeling? Either way, this is Jackson's perspective from the events of Because of You (my fic based on You Are, so you might want to read that one first, but you don't need to)

Injured.

Jackson sat in the rehearsal space with the most awful feeling curling around his chest and stomach as he stared at Jinyoung's phone. Seventy two hours before the biggest day of Got7’s career and Jaebeom, their leader, was injured. 

Jackson felt sick. 

Jinyoung leaned forward from his place next to Jackson “Will he be okay?”

“Long term, yes.” Their manager said. Jackson could hear the stress and worry in his tone even through the small speaker on the bottom of Jinyoung’s phone, all the members crowded around so they could get news of their leader. His departure two hours ago had scared the shit out of all of them. 

“He won’t be able to perform on opening night, will he?” Mark asked, hearing what their manager wasn’t saying.

“He won’t be able to perform for quite a while.” Their manager confirmed. “The doctor said he’s probably looking at at least six weeks of recovery time.”

Six weeks. That put Jaebeom out for potentially half of the first leg of their tour. Their first world tour that all of them were looking forward to. Their tour that all of them had been working their asses off for for weeks. Their tour that all of them would now have to do without Jaebum.

Jackson leaned over, covering his face with his hands. How were they supposed to do this without their leader?

“Can he at least sit on the stage with us?” Yugyeom asked.

“No.” Their manager said, shattering any hopes the six of them had to share the experience with all their members. “The doctor said Jaebum needs to be on bedrest for a few days. He wouldn’t be able to sit in a chair for over two hours without being in a lot of pain.”

_Laying at home will be just as painful for him_, Jackson thought. _It’ll just be a different kind of pain. _

“What exactly is wrong with him?” Youngjae asked.

“He has a herniated spinal disc.” Their manager replied. 

Jackson raised his head. He’d heard of that. His mom, an Olympic gymnast, had suffered her own share of disc injuries as a result of her sport. It was unfortunately an incredibly common injury among gymnasts as landings tended to go awry, wrenching the spine to support weight in places that it shouldn't. Still, the memories of his mother being in pain didn’t make it any easier to know that Jaebeom was suffering from the same thing. Two years into their career too. Jaebeom would have to make sure to take care of himself from here on out to make sure that it didn’t come back and potentially end his career as an idol. 

“His spine?” Bambam asked, sounding panicked. “You’re sure he’ll be okay? Does he need surgery or something?”

“No surgery, doctor said that physiotherapy will be enough.” Their manager replied. “We’re headed back to the dorm now. You can ask all your questions later when you see him.”

“Thanks for letting us know.” Jinyoung said quietly as he hung up his phone.

Jackson turned to their choreographer who studied the rest of the members with a sad resignation. “We have some work to do.”

≪ ≫

Rehearsal lasted hours longer than it was supposed to and all the members were sluggish with exhaustion as they made their way towards the van. They’d had to rearrange choreographies so Jaebeom’s absence wouldn't be too noticeable—at least not visually—as well as figure out which one of them would be covering Jaebeom’s parts. Still, even through his exhaustion, Jackson made his way down the street to their nearest pharmacy that was open 24/7 because he knew they didn’t have ice or heat packs at home that were going to be comfortable for Jaebeom to lay on. He’d spent most of the drive home on Google, searching to find out ways to treat spinal disc injuries and it said to ice it for a few days to bring down inflammation and then heat to improve blood flow and healing. He found a few boxes of cooling and heating strips specifically designed for the back so Jaebeom could lie down without something big and bulky under his spine. 

When he got back to the dorm the members were all in chaos still, most of them in Jaebeom’s and Youngjae’s room where Jaebeom was lying on their bed. Their bed that was on the floor. Jackson frowned as he realized that Jaebeom was never going to be able to get himself up off the floor.

His frown deepened when he noticed the panicked, trapped look in Jaebeom’s eyes, the pinched expression on his face as he talked with the members in his room. 

Jinyoung must have seen it too because before Jackson could open his mouth he was ordering everyone to get to bed and to leave Jaebeom alone. He glared at Jackson when he tried to slip into the room as Bambam left but relented when Jackson held up the bag from the pharmacy.

“Jackson,” Jaebeom said as the rapper entered the room, crouching next to Jaebeom. “I was wondering where you were.”

“I went out to get you some things.” Jackson explained, going through the bag and showing Jaebeom what he’d bought.

Jaebum’s expression softened. “Thank you Sseun-ah.”

“Hyung, you should take my bed.” Jackson said.

Jaebeom looked confused. “Why?”

“You can’t get up or down from yours.” He said worriedly. “It’ll be easier for you if you sleep in mine. I’ll share with Youngjae until you’re better.” His bed wasn’t all that ideal either if he was honest, since it was a bunk bed and Jaebeom wouldn’t be able to sit up straight, but only three of them had individual beds and he didn’t think rooming with either half of Yugbam would be very soothing, and Jinyoung slept outside one of their washrooms and always had people and smells drifting through. At least in Jackson’s room Jaebeom could have quiet and be up off the floor. 

“Are you sure?” Jaebeom asked.

“I insist, really.” Jackson said.

“Thank you,” Jaebeom said quietly. 

Jackson studied him, trying to imagine what he must be feeling. He reached out and lightly brushed some of Jaebum’s hair off his face. “Are you okay, hyung?” 

Jaebeom's lips stretched in a fake smile. “Of course. I’ll be better in no time.”

“That wasn’t really what I was asking.”

Jaebeom’s smile slid off his face and Jackson felt guilty for pushing when it looked like Jaebeom began blinking back tears a moment later. 

He pulled back his hand and rubbed Jaebeom’s chest. “Sorry, you don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to.” Jaebeom sent him a grateful glance. “Think you can get up so we can move you and I can put one of these on?”

Jaebeom raised his hands. “Help me?” He asked, sounding frustrated and embarrassed.

Jackson took Jaebeom’s hands. “Look at me hyung,” He requested gently, squeezing them as Jaebeom’s gaze met his own. “I would rather you ask me for help a thousand times a day than risk making your injury worse. That would bother me far more than helping you stand.”

Jaebeom sighed. “Thank you Jackson. I may need you to remind of that again sometime in the near future.”

Jackson chuckled but nodded as he moved to gently pull Jaebeom into a seated position, carefully watching his expression, feeling guilty when he noticed Jaebeom wince in pain. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” Jaebeom said. 

Jackson didn’t want to risk pulling Jaebum to his feet all on his own so he grabbed Yugyeom, who was walking past the door, and got him to help lift Jaebeom from the other side. 

Once Jackson was sure he was stable he bent over to grab Jaebeom's pillow. "Do you need anything else from in here?"

Jaebeom shook his head and Jackson detoured to grab a fresh set of sheets before joining Jaebeom in his room. Mark was peering curiously over the railing of his top bunk. "Do you mind if Jaebeom-hyung sleeps in here until he's better?" Jackson asked even as he stripped off his bedding, stuffed toys fans had given him scattering all over the floor. 

"Of course not," Mark replied, jumping down to help Jackson set up the new sheets and shove all the stuffed toys under the bed or out of the way do Jaebeom wouldn't trip over them. 

The two of them made sure that Jaebeom had everything done that needed doing and that he had what he needed within reach on the nightstand before helping Jaebeom into bed. It wasn’t exactly easy or pain free getting Jaebeom into Jackson’s bed but they eventually got him in and comfortable, Jackson having applied an ice patch before he laid down which seemed to be alleviating some of the pain. 

“You okay?” Jackson asked once Jaebeom was settled.

Jaebeom just nodded.

“Good,” Jackson replied, looking around and collecting his own things off the floor that he’d need for the night before turning to leave. “Make sure to let one of us know if you need anything.”

Jaebeom didn’t answer, his jaw clenched as he stared up at the bottom of Mark’s bunk.

“Hyung,” Jackson said a bit louder, waiting until Jaebeom turned to look at him before continuing. “Goodnight.”

Jaebeom’s face softened slightly and he sent Jackson a small smile. “Goodnight Jackson. And thank you.”

≪ ≫

The following days were probably just as hard on the rest of the members as they were on Jaebeom. It was hard on _all_ of them to leave the dorm every morning for rehearsal, just leaving Jaebeom behind. He was staying with a manager to help him with anything he needed until they got home but that didn’t make them feel any better. The rides to the rehearsal venue were usually done in subdued silence, the kind that made Jackson’s skin itch, but he didn’t know what to do about it. 

It _sucked_. Jackson hated it and would go as far as to wish that it had been him that had been injured instead of Jaebeom. Jaebeom worked so hard for all of them, and even before that as a member of JJ Project. He’d been training and working for five years and to be forced to sit at home alone while the rest of them performed on that stage just felt _wrong_. 

“Okay, team meeting,” Jinyoung announced the afternoon of opening day as they finished their final sound check. “Everyone in the van.”

The rest of them looked at one another in bewilderment but no one argued with Jinyoung and won so they all obliged. Mark trying to ask what this was about only to be cut off and told to wait till they made it to their practice room. Mark told him he was being stupid and dramatic, but made no further complaints. 

“So what is this about?” Bambam asked as he sprawled on the floor of their practice room. “We don’t have much time before the show.”

“We don’t need much time, hopefully,” Jinyoung said. “We need to decide what we’re going to do about Jaebeom,”

Jackson frowned in confusion from where he sat on the couch next to Yugyeom. “What do you mean _do_ about Jaebeom? He can’t perform.”

Jinyoung shook his head. “That’s not what I meant. We need to stop acting all annoyingly cheerful and smothering him whenever we’re in the dorms. He hates it and it’s not helping.”

He wasn’t wrong about that. Jackson understood that all the boys wanted to help and wanted to cheer up Jaebeom, he himself felt a near desperate need to try to do _something_ that might make Jaebeom feel better, but he’d seen the trapped look in Jaebeom’s eyes more than once these past few days. Jinyoung was right; they were taking it too far.

“But we can’t just leave him alone,” Bambam countered. “He needs us right now.”

And they needed Jaebeom. Not in the same way, obviously, but Jackson felt like he needed to be around Jaebeom just to assure himself that Jaebeom was really okay. 

“I’m not saying that either,” Jinyoung said impatiently. “Just…we need to cut back a little bit. Maybe plan it out better so that all six of us don’t show up in the night asking if he needs to go to the bathroom. Do you know how frustrated he must have felt every time one of us reminded him that he needed help to get up to pee? I think we’re helping so much we’re hurting him even more.”

It wasn’t that Jackson didn’t understand what Jinyoung was trying to say. He got it, he _did_. But that didn’t mean he liked the idea all that much. As much as Jaebeom didn’t want to admit it, he did need the six of them and would continue to need them for at least another week or two. That was just the simple truth.

“Why don’t we pick one of us to handle a different area. Like Jinyoung can help him with changing or whatever and Jackson can do his laundry.” Youngjae suggested.

“Laundry?” Jackson whined. He hated laundry.

“That’s actually not a bad idea,” Mark said, sounding pleased. “That could work.”

They all agreed and offered suggestions for ways they could help Jaebeom. Jackson said nothing, not because he didn’t agree but that he knew that if he saw Jaebeom struggling with something he wouldn’t just leave it to get and get the assigned person. He knew that if he thought he could do a better job at helping Jaebeom then he’d do it regardless of whether or not it was his job. 

That didn’t mean it was _easy_. Going on stage for opening night without Jaebeom was probably the hardest thing that any of them had done since debut. It just felt _wrong_ and Jackson could barely look at his members sometimes because he didn’t want to start crying. They were determined to make this the show that Ahgase’s had dreamed about even if they were doing it without their leader. Seeing him at the end of the show, apologizing for getting hurt and then brushing aside Jackson's hand so that he could bow was hard to watch; Jackson knew how much pain he was in just for that simple act and he hoped Ahgase understood just how much it had taken for Jaebeom to go out there on opening night, and how much more it had taken him _not_ to for the second night. 

It was hard to go to the gym during Jaebeom’s rehab. He’d initially intended to help or to comfort but it was so hard to watch Jaebeom in so much pain.

It was even harder to watch Jaebeom pretend that he _wasn’t_ in pain. Seeing Jaebeom pretend to read, pretend that he didn’t have a care in the world as the rest of them packed to go onto the next stop on their tour was heartbreaking. It hurt even more when he denied it, lying to Jackson’s face that he wasn’t bothered at all by what was going on around him and what he was forced to miss out on. 

There were small victories though, ones that meant more to Jackson than he would admit. Moments when Jaebeom would let Jackson in, would be vulnerable and be willing to talk to Jackson about what he was really feeling and thinking. Jackson loved those moments. He felt like he could finally be of real use to Jaebeom. Folding his laundry was helpful but it wasn’t really _helping_. Helping Jaebeom improve his body meant nothing if his mind was still tormented.

It also made him feel closer to Jaebeom, something that Jackson had wanted pretty much from the moment they’d met. Jaebeom and Jinyoung were preparing for their JJ Project debut and he had just seemed to chic and experienced and someone that Jackson had just wanted to know better. When he did he discovered that Jaebeom was fiercely independent, and that was okay. But being someone that Jaebeom felt he could be honest with, even if Jackson had to coax Jaebeom into every time, was something that he valued. Being someone that Jaebeom could look to in times of crisis was becoming something that Jackson found himself looking forward to more and more. 

≪ ≫

Someone was…crying? Jackson frowned as he silently let himself into the dorm. It was well after midnight so he’d assumed that all the members would be asleep but one of them was awake, and they might be crying. 

He locked the door behind him and unceremoniously dropped his things on the floor, hurrying into the living room where he found Jaebeom, lying on his back on the couch, his chest rising and falling slowly, the wetness on his cheeks obvious even in the dim light from the kitchen. 

“Hyung, what happened?” Jackson asked, panicked.

Jaebeom sat up quickly, reaching up to wipe his tears. “Jackson, I didn’t think you’d be home so soon.”

“Soon?” Jackson echoed, glancing at the clock on the stove. “Hyung it’s almost one in the morning.”

Jaebeom looked at him, his expression dull despite his puffy, red eyes. “Oh.”

Jackson desperately wanted to ask how long he’d been there, how long he’d been crying by himself on their couch, but he figured that wasn’t the most important question he needed to ask. He crossed to the couch and sat next to Jaebeom, reaching out and using his fingers to brush Jaebeom’s hair off his face, softening when Jaebeom closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. “Hyung, what’s wrong?” He asked, even though he had a feeling that he already knew. Jaebeom was meeting his doctors at the end of the week to determine whether or not he’d be allowed to fly to Tokyo with them next week for the second of their Japan stops. 

“Today is not a good day,” Jaebeom admitted quietly, making Jackson smile. He shouldn’t be smiling, but not only did Jaebeom sound like a little kid in that moment, it was also the first time that Jaebeom had admitted he wasn’t okay without Jackson having to coax it out of him. It felt _good_ to know that Jaebeom was starting to depend on him, that Jaebeom trusted Jackson enough to say things that he was worried about.

“Is this about Friday?” Jackson asked.

Jaebeom didn’t open his eyes, but his expression soured a little. “I’m that obvious, am I?”

“No,” Jackson shook his head, his fingers continuing their gentle movements in Jaebeom’s hair. “I just…had a feeling I guess.”

Jaebeom made an unhappy noise that matched his expression. Jackson _hated_ this. He hated seeing Jaebeom so miserable, hated seeing him doubt himself so much, hated seeing him wonder whether or not he was good enough. 

“Hyung, open your eyes,” he said softly.

Jaebeom didn’t move.

“Jaebeom, look at me,” Jackson ordered, adding a little bite to his tone in addition to dropping the honorific so Jaebeom would know he was serious.

Jaebeom’s eyes peeled open and he turned his head to meet Jackson’s eyes better. “What?”

“I want you to get all those negative thoughts out of your head, just look at me, and really listen to what I’m about to say. Can you do that?” Jackson asked, staring unblinkingly at Jaebeom.

Jaebeom gave him a weird look, but nodded as he turned to face Jackson a little more. “Okay,” he answered, looking at Jackson with such trust that Jackson felt his chest flutter.

Jackson swallowed before continuing. “It’s fine if you have doubts. It’s _fine_ if you have setbacks or hesitations,” He began. “All of that is normal and a part of being human. You’re allowed to have bad days just like you’re allowed to have good days.” Jaebeom nodded, his eyes still fixed on Jackson's. “But what you are _not_ allowed to do is give up. I don’t care what the doctor says tomorrow, none of us do, to us you’ll still be our leader, our friend and we will still love you exactly the same as we do right now. No matter what news you get tomorrow you are still Im Jaebeom, the incredible leader of Got7, okay?”

Jaebeom blinked rapidly, his eyes glassy before he shuffled forward and latched onto Jackson, resting his forehead against Jackson neck. "Thanks Sseun-ah," he said. “Love you,” he murmured so quietly that Jackson barely even caught the words.

A smile spilt Jackson’s face and he was caught a bit off guard by the feeling that he might float around the room if Jaebeom wasn’t tethering him to the couch. That…wasn’t normal. Sure, Jaebeom wasn’t exactly one to pour affection onto people the way that Jackson did but it wasn’t the first time he’d heard it from Jaebeom either. He sat there motionless as he tried to figure it out.

It wasn’t until Jaebeom completely relaxed against him and let out a soft exhale that Jackson thought he might have figured out why.

“Love you too,” he whispered, except he was pretty sure that he didn’t mean it in the same way that Jaebeom had.

≪ ≫

Jackson made his way into Jinyoung’s room the following morning. Jinyoung was the only one of them that had a room to himself, but it was honestly more like a glorified closet and it was next to the bathroom so none of them were all that jealous about it. Jinyoung was sitting on his bed, his knees bent up and a journal spread across his thighs, a pen swaying back and forth as he wrote in it.

Jackson crawled onto the foot of the bed. “You know, as my best friend it’s supposed to be your job to make sure that I don’t do stupid things.”

Jinyoung didn’t give any reaction that he’d noticed Jackson's presence or question other than a small smile that spread across his lips.

“And I have to admit that you’re doing a pretty terrible job at it.” Jackson continued.

“I already told you that if Bambam comes up to you and says the words ‘I have the best idea’ your response should always be no,” Jinyoung replied without looking up.

Jackson laughed. “Unfortunately this stupid thing has nothing to do with Bambam.”

Jinyoung sighed. “What did you do?”

“I sort of… Might have fallen in love with Jaebeom?” Jackson said a bit nervously. Jinyoung had been the first person Jackson had told when he realized he was probably gay and Jinyoung had never made Jackson feel weird about it, even encouraging Jackson to talk to him about it. But this was different. This was Jaebeom, another member of their group. This had implications that Jackson’s other crushes didn’t. 

Jinyoung’s pen stopped moving but it took another moment for Jinyoung to raise his eyes to meet Jackson’s. “Jaebeom?” he asked, apparently needing clarification.

Jackson just nodded.

“Huh, I’d honestly thought that if you fell for someone in the group that it was going to be Mark. Or me,” he added with a cheeky grin that made Jackson roll his eyes, relieved that Jinyoung wasn’t freaking out or judging or anything.

Well, he probably was judging; this _was_ Jinyoung he was talking to. 

“Please, you are far too high-maintenance.” Jackson teased.

Jinyoung smiled. “Sure, Jaebeom is going to end up like the crazy cat lady that lives next to Yugyeom’s parents, but _I’m_ too high-maintenance.”

Jackson sighed. Definitely judging then. “Do you think I should tell him?”

Jinyoung paused and closed the journal on his lap, clipping the pen onto the front cover. “Depends,” he replied. “Are you serious about him? Or is this just because you feel like you have to protect him since he’s been injured? Do you only love him because he needs you and you like feeling needed.”

Jackson inhaled sharply and he turned to look at Jinyoung. “What are you talking about?”

Jinyoung’s expression softened and he leaned forward to pick up Jackson’s hand. “Jackson, you like taking care of people. You like feeling like you can offer something that no one else can. I’m not saying that you’re feelings for Jaebeom aren’t real, but I want you to make sure that you understand where they’re coming from before you tell him. I honestly don’t know how Jaebeom will react if you do tell him, so I’m begging you to please be sure about this first.”

Jackson wanted to swear at Jinyoung for even suggesting that and then storm out of the room. How _dare_ Jinyoung suggest that Jackson couldn't tell the difference between actual love and caregiving. How _dare_ he suggest that Jackson didn't understand his own feelings?

But when he took a moment to think about all the things that led Jackson to the revelation that maybe Jaebeom meant more to him than just another bandmate. They were all moments where Jaebeom let Jackson help him, where he showed his vulnerability and let Jackson in. 

Which could mean that Jaebeom was letting his guard down and letting Jackson know him more deeply than the others did. 

But it could also mean that maybe Jinyoung wasn't _entirely_ wrong to suggest what he did.

≪ ≫

Jackson thought about Jinyoung’s words as Jaebeom continued to get better. He tried to distance himself a little too, using the time and the space to sort through his feelings and try and find out the source of his deepening affections for Jaebeom were as shallow as Jinyoung had suggested. As much as Jackson hated to admit it, Jinyoung might have had a point. Jackson _did_ like to be useful, he _did_ like to be needed. Even more so when the person that he was of use to was Jaebeom. Jaebeom had always been different for Jackson. He’d idolized Jaebeom for as long as he’d been in Korea. He'd always sought Jaebum's validation and praise from Jaebeom had always meant more to him than when it came from other people. 

It hurt when Jaebeom did things alone that he used to need Jackson for, or that he and Jackson used to do together. It hurt when Jackson realized that Jaebeom didn’t really need him anymore and that he soon wouldn’t need Jackson at all, not in the way he had over the past few weeks. It hurt that it bothered Jackson so much; Jaebeom had been in so much pain, physical and emotional, and Jackson should be _happy_ that Jaebeom was feeling better. And he _was_, but it was just… more complicated than Jackson thought it would be. It made him think that maybe, just maybe, Jinyoung had a point when he’d asked Jackson if his feelings were tied to Jaebeom or tied to Jaebeom’s injury. And that just made him feel like an asshole.

It took Youngjae getting a head cold for Jackson to realize that Jinyoung had been full of crap. Did Jackson like being there for Youngjae and helping him feel better? Sure, Youngjae was like a little brother to him and Jackson was glad that he could ease some of the singer’s discomfort. 

Did he have the overwhelming urge to cuddle Youngjae to sleep? No. Did he feel this bizarre fluttering sensation in his chest every time Youngjae smiled at him? Every time Youngjae even looked at him fondly? Also no. 

So, in short, Jackson was probably in love with Jaebeom, Jinyoung was full of shit and Jackson would need to look into finding a replacement best friend who gave better advice. 

≪ ≫

Jackson thought that getting the all clear to travel to Tokyo and permission to go on stage would have been good news, and it was at first. The seven of them had thrown a huge party in the dorms and Jackson didn’t think he’d seen Jaebeom look so happy since they got their first win on a music show. Which was why it confused him when he seemed to be shutting down or overthinking or something that made his smile more tense and his eyes almost panicked. 

Jackson entered the waiting room after returning from the bathroom and his eyes immediately found Jaebeom slumped in his chair. He knew just from looking at Jaebeom that he wasn’t okay. He made his way over to where Jaebeom was sitting and gently squeezed his shoulders. “Hyung? You okay?”

Jaebeom looked up at him and Jackson could almost feel the concern and anxiety that was written so plainly all across Jaebeom’s face. Worry that Jackson didn’t understand, but he wanted to. He moved around to the front of the chair and picked up Jaebeom’s hand, sliding his fingers between the leader’s and pulling gently. “Come on.”

Jaebeom didn’t argue or fight as Jackson pulled him into the changing room, looking up at him once they were alone. “What’s wrong?”

Jaebeom looked at him as if Jackson was the only thing in the universe that mattered to him. It almost took Jackson’s breath away. “I just… I’m worried that I’m not ready for this.”

Jackson thought back to all the hours Jaebeom had spent in the gym, on the massage table and gritting his teeth through pain as he did his stretches at home and wondered how on earth Jaebeom could as himself something like that. “Are you kidding me? You’ve worked so hard for this. We’re all so proud of you.” _I’m so proud of you_ went unsaid. Jaebeom still looked unsure of himself and it damn near broke Jackson’s heart so he squeezed Jaebeom’s fingers and tried again. “There is no way the doctors would have cleared you to come if you weren’t ready.”

Though if Jackson was being honest, he was a little worried too. Not about Jaebeom’s ability. He was ready and Jackson trusted the work that Jaebeom had put in and the doctors who told him it was okay. He was worried that Jaebeom would push himself too hard, try to make up for the shows he missed by going further than what he was ready for tonight. “Just take it easy tonight then,” he suggested. “Sit on the side for the whole show. The fans will just be happy to have you back.”

Jaebeom looked almost offended by the suggested and shook his head. “No, that would just make me feel worse. The fans waited so long for me to come back, I don’t just want to sit there the whole time. I have to do _something_ to make up for the fact that I missed the other shows.”

Jackson smiled, always so impressed and inspired at the lengths that Jaebeom went to for their fans. “The fans don’t want or expect you to be perfect,” he said. “They want you to be healthy and they want you to be happy. Just seeing you in person is enough for them.”

“But it’s not enough for _me_,” Jaebum argued, looking far more determined than he had a moment ago. “The fans waited for me and they’ve taken time out of their days and spent their hard earned money on tickets. I won’t give them anything less than my best.”

He sent Jaebeom a smile that he was pretty sure would make it clear as day how much Jackson cared about him. He couldn’t help it. “Then give them your best.”

Jaebeom blinked at him, seeming surprised by something that Jackson couldn’t figure out. Jackson watched as Jaebeom’s expression softened into a smile.“Thank you,” he said sincerely. “Thank you for everything that you did to make sure I got better. It would have been a considerably harder and more miserable experience if you weren’t there with me.”

Jackson thought about all the work that Jaebeom himself had done and had to laugh, shaking his head. “Hyung, I didn’t do anything.” He said honestly, though it was nice to hear that Jaebeom thought that way. It was nice to know that Jaebeom had appreciated all the time he’d spent with Jackson over the past two months. 

Jaebeom looked at him in what Jackson thought might have been disbelief. “Didn’t do anything? Jackson, you…” Jaebeom cut himself off and swallowed, his eyes staring intensely into Jackson’s. “Jackson, please tell me that you’re joking. Please tell me that you have _some_ understanding of how much all you’ve done for me means to me. How much I appreciate you walking twenty minutes to the pharmacy after a fourteen hour rehearsal just to buy heat strips for my back. How much I appreciate you helping me with the stretches, how much I appreciate you just being there whenever I had a shitty day.” His voice softened. “You really have no idea how much better you made everything just by being there for me.”

Jackson watched as Jaebeom frowned sightly and something like fear crossed his face as his grip on Jackson’s hand tightened. “Please don’t leave me now.” He pleaded.

Jackson just started up at him. Don’t _leave_ him? Was Jaebeom insane? Did he really have no idea how Jackson felt about him? Jackson would follow Jaebeom into the sun if he asked him too. He almost laughed. “You’re such an idiot,” He said quietly before doing something that might turn out to be the stupidest thing he’d ever done. He took his free hand and slid it around Jaebeom’s neck, threading through the hair at the base of his neck and gently tugging him to move closer, something Jaebeom easily obliged. 

He flicked his eyes to Jaebeom’s lips before looking back up into his eyes, trying to read his response to what Jackson hoped was a fairly obvious silently asked question. 

At first Jaebeom seemed floored by the gesture and Jackson cursed himself for having misread the moment and braced himself for the rejection he was sure was about to come. 

But then Jaebeom’s face shifted, a smile sliding onto his lips as his gazed dropped to Jackson’s and he leaned closer.

Jackson stopped breathing and was pretty sure his heart stopped beating too as he waiting to finally know what it was like to have Jaebum’s lips on his. But then the door opened and Jackson’s heart kicked up again in hyperdrive as he pulled back and saw Bambam in the doorway staring at them in surprise. 

“Make out on your own time, hyungs. The fans are waiting; the show is starting!” He told them before disappearing mere seconds after he’d so abruptly interrupted. 

Jackson looked at Jaebeom who was looking at him with an unreadable expression on his face. Oh god this was so embarrassing and now Jackson was going to be stuck in this hell of not knowing what exactly Jaebeom was going to do for _hours_ until the two of them could find a spare moment to be alone once more. “I, uh, guess we should go,” he said.

Jaebeom nodded, then surprised Jackson by reaching out to take his hand before pulling him out of the room. That was a good sign, right? A sign that Jaebeom wouldn't tell Jackson he was disgusting and then avoid him like the plague for trying to kiss him in their dressing room.

They all collected their mics and them got into their position backstage, Jackson finally feeling like they were complete with Jaebeom back in the middle. He glanced over at their leader and couldn’t stop the smile from creeping across his face at the excitement and happiness that was so clear on Jaebeom’s. He would never say that he was _glad_ for Jaebeom’s injury but he couldn’t deny that it made them stronger as a team and made them all appreciate each other more. 

Jaebeom turned from watching Bambam dance to Jackson, his smile growing as he moved to stand in front of Jackson, absolutely flooring the rapper when he reached out, took Jackson’s face in his hands and leaned down to kiss him. On _stage_. In front of all of the members and the stage hands and mere metres from where their fans were standing, waiting for the doors to open and for them to walk out. 

Jackson jerked back, not only shocked by the bold gesture, but also by the timing and place that Jaebeom thought was appropriate for this kind of thing. Jaebeom just stare down at him, looking so _fond_, before leaning forward for one more light kiss against Jackson’s lips and moving back to his spot in the middle.

Jackson just stood there, completely shocked, as the doors began to slide open in front of him. It wasn’t until Jinyoung stepped over to elbow him that he fully registered what had just happened and where is was. He looked over and found Jinyoung laughing at him, wiggling his eyebrows when he met Jackson’s eyes.

“Shut up,” Jackson muttered, glad that the stage makeup hid his blush as he stepped forward into the deafening cheers.

He turned and his eyes found Jaebeom, who had walked a few steps ahead of him at this point, smiling as he stared around at all the lightsticks and fans in the arena.

Then he turned and looked at Jackson, his emotions and his affection clear on his face and even though Jackson had no idea what kind of conversation they'd have later that night, he knew that as long as Jaebeom kept looking at him like that, they'd be just fine.

* * *

**Lyrics:**

What are you looking at?

Look here, I’m right in front of you

I can see that you’re having different thoughts

Don’t worry for no reason

I’ll be by your side

Don’t worry, trust me

Yeah, yeah, yeah

Do you still not know?

I see how anxious you look

Ready, ready, begin, fall into my eyes, hurry

Don’t you worry, we can make it, make it

When fear comes, just look at me

Because my trust in you overflows very much

Don’t be afraid because then I’ll get upset

Because I just want us to feel the same way

Just as you feel, just like that

Will you believe in me? There’s no need to be scared

I want to find myself in those eyes

Please look at me, yes, just like that

You look at me now

Oh our eyes are locked

Until you get familiar, until you can only see me

Don’t turn your eyes away

Lock eyes with me

No matter what anyone says

They can’t keep us apart

Turn off all the other sounds

My, my eyes on you

Empty your head, just for me, empty it

It’s only you for me anyway, believe it

Your eyes on me

Place your eyes only on me

How much time are you gonna spend worrying? question

I’m preparing to go to war with the things that bother you, yes sir  
  


My mood changes according to yours

I get so mad when I see you sad

Like a wave crashing on sand, erase it all

Your worries are no more, now only happy days are left

It’s alright if you hesitate for a bit

I’m not worried because I know you’ll overcome

Look at me as if nothing happened

Yes, just like that

You look at me now

Oh our eyes are locked

Until you get familiar, until you can only see me

Don’t turn your eyes away

Lock eyes with me

No matter what anyone says

They can’t keep us apart

I want to do everything with you

I wanna think about tomorrow as we look at each other

If you still don’t know how my heart is filled with you

You look at me now

Oh our eyes are locked

Until you get familiar, until you can only see me

Don’t turn your eyes away

Lock eyes with me

No matter what anyone says

They can’t keep us apart

Turn off all the other sounds

My, my eyes on you

Empty your head, just for me, empty it

It’s only you for me anyway, believe it

Your eyes on me

Place your eyes only on me

**Lyrics by:**

defsoul, Mirror BOY, D.ham, Minhan Mirror

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it! I'm not going to lie, I'm looking forward to going back to writing chaptered fics again. I kind of get the feeling that I just keep writing the same story/plot over and over again so I hope that it doesn't read that way... Again, I'm not a doctor and know nothing about the details of JB's injury or Jackson's mom's injury (but he did mention that she suffered from back problems so it's always possible she has herniated discs).
> 
> Also it was pointed out to me that apparently JB has recently stressed that he prefers his name spelled 'Jaebeom' so I'm going to try to respect that (even though he's never going to read anything I write).
> 
> Also part 2: it's thanksgiving weekend here in Canada so I want to wish any fellow Canadians a happy thanksgiving and to make sure that all of you know how thankful I am to have you as my readers ❤️🍁🍂🇨🇦
> 
> See you next time with Lullaby (only 2 more fics left in this series!!)


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